The Ultimate List For Beating Boredem
by I Can't Remember My Pen Name
Summary: Sirius Black's ultimate list for beating boredem. Need I say more?


**A/N: I finally checked my emails and being the sad, sad person I am actually read all this…thank you Rhys for creating this list…or at least sending it to me lol…**

- Wax the ceiling  
- Rearrange political campaign signs  
- Sharpen your teeth  
- Play Houdini with one of your siblings  
- Braid your dog's hair  
- Clean and polish your belly button  
- Water your dog...see if he grows  
- Wash a tree  
- Knight yourself  
- Name your child Edsel  
- Scare Stephen King  
- Give your cat a Mohawk  
- Purr  
- Mow your carpet  
- Play Pat Boone records backwards  
- Vacuum your lawn  
- Sleep on a bed of nails  
- DON'T toss and turn  
- Boil ice cream  
- Run around in squares  
- Think of quadruple entendres  
- Speak in acronyms  
- Have your pillow X-rayed  
- Drink straight shots...of water  
- Calmly have a nervous breakdown  
- Give your goldfish a perm  
- Fly a brick  
- Play tag...on West 35th Street  
- Exorcise a ghost  
- Be blue  
- Be red  
- But don't be orange  
- Plant a shoe  
- Sweat  
- Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil  
- Turn  
- Write a letter to Plato

- Mail it  
- Take your sofa for a walk  
- Start  
- Stop  
- Dial 911 and breathe heavily  
- Go to a funeral...tell jokes  
- Play the piano...with mittens on  
- Scheme  
- Sit  
- Stay  
- Water your family room  
- Cause a power failure  
- Roll over  
- Play dead  
- Find a witch  
- Burn her  
- Donate your brother's body to science  
- Ask why  
- Wriggle  
- Regress  
- Sleepwalk without sleeping  
- Try to join Hell's Angels by mail  
- Wonder  
- Be a square root  
- Ask stupid questions  
- Weld your car doors shut  
- Spew  
- Vacation at Three-Mile Island  
- Surf Ohio  
- Teach your pet rock to play dead  
- Go bowling for small game  
- Be a monk...for a day  
- Wear a sweatband to your wedding  
- Staple  
- Run away  
- Intimidate a piece of chalk  
- Abuse the plumbing  
- Bend a florescent light  
- Bend a brick  
- Annoy total strangers  
- Let the best man win  
- Believe in Santa Claus  
- Throw marshmallows against the wall  
- Hold an ice cube as long as possible  
- Adopt strange mannerisms  
- Blow up a balloon until it pops  
- Sing soft and sweet and clear  
- Sing loud and sour and gravely  
- Open everything  
- Balance a pencil on your nose  
- Pour milk in your shoes  
- Write graffiti under the rug  
- Embarrass yourself  
- Grind your teeth  
- Chew ice  
- Count your belly button  
- Sit in a row  
- Stack crumbs  
- Gesture  
- Save your toenail clippings  
- Make a pass at your blender  
- Punt  
- Make up words that start with X  
- Make oatmeal in the bathtub  
- Search for the Lost Chord  
- Chew on a sofa cushion  
- Sing a duet  
- Balance a pillow on your head  
- Hold your breath  
- Faint  
- Stretch  
- Flash your mailman  
- Teach your TA English  
- Learn to speak Farsi  
- Swear in Russian  
- Use an eraser until it goes away  
- Disassemble your car  
- Put it together inside out  
- Record your walls  
- Interview your feet  
- Make a list of your favourite fungi  
- Sell formaldehyde  
- Repeat  
- Ad lib  
- Fade  
- File your teeth

- Whine  
- Rake your carpet  
- Re-elect Richard Nixon  
- Critique 'Three's Company'  
- Listen to a painting  
- Play with matches  
- Buff your cat  
- Race ferrets  
- Paint your house...Day-Glow Orange  
- Have a formal dinner at White Castle  
- Read Homer in the original Greek  
- Learn Greek  
- Change your mind  
- Change it back  
- Watch the sun...see if it moves  
- Build a pyramid  
- Stand on your head  
- Stand on someone else's head  
- Spit shine your Nikes  
- See how long you can stay awake  
- See how long you can sleep  
- Paint your teeth  
- Wear a salad  
- Speak with a forked tongue  
- Paint stripes on a lake  
- Ski Kansas  
- Sleep in freefall  
- Kill a Joule  
- Test thin ice...with a pogo stick  
- Apply for a unicorn hunting license  
- Do a good job  
- Crawl  
- Invite the Masons over for dinner  
- Paint your windows  
- Watch a watch until it stops  
- Flash your goldfish  
- Paint  
- Flirt with an evergreen  
- Smile  
- Rotate your garden...daily  
- Paint a smile  
- Shoot a fire hydrant  
- Apologize to it  
- Pretend you're blind  
- Annoy yourself  
- Get mad at yourself  
- Stop speaking to yourself  
- Be a side effect  
- Ride a bicycle...up Mt. McKinley  
- Duck  
- Redecorate...your garage  
- Develop a complex  
- Join the Army...be someone simple  
- Try harder  
- Hit the deck  
- Put leg-warmers on your furniture  
- Cut the deck  
- Crumple  
- Translate Shakespeare into English  
- Skydive to church  
- Cheer up a potato  
- Do aerobic exercises...in your head  
- Play cards with your swimming pool  
- Pinstripe your driveway  
- Play Kick the Fire Hydrant  
- Harness chipmunk power  
- Build a house with ice cubes  
- Call London for a cab  
- Mug a stop sign  
- Change your name...daily  
- Go for a walk in your attic  
- Challenge your neighbour to a duel  
- Build a house out of toothpicks  
- Howl  
- Wear a lampshade on your head  
- Memorize the dictionary  
- Stomp grapes in the bathtub  
- Find a bug and chase it  
- Make yourself a pair of wings  
- Be immobile  
- Dance 'til you drop  
- Check under chairs for chewing gum  
- Squish a loaf of bread  
- Moo  
- Bounce a potato  
- Out manoeuvre your shadow  
- Climb the walls  
- Appreciate everything  
- Challenge yourself to a duel  
- Make napalm  
- Tattoo your dresser  
- Watch a bowling ball  
- Buy some diapers  
- Eat everything  
- Begin  
- Pour milk in the sink  
- Make cottage cheese  
- Tie-dye your sheets  
- Carpet your ceiling  
- Hold your earlobes  
- Fold your earlobes  
- Flap  
- Squawk  
- Read tea leaves  
- Analyse the Koran  
- Be Buddha  
- Award yourself a Nobel Peace Prize  
- Plug in the cat  
- Turn on everything  
- Drop pebbles down the chimney  
- Turn off your neighbour  
- Kill a plant  
- Buy a 1931 Almanac  
- Memorize the weather section  
- Think lewd thoughts about yourself  
- Blow bubbles  
- Send chills down your spine  
- Peel grapes  
- Make paper from the skins  
- Bloat  
- Catch them with your radiator  
- Get run over by a train of thought  
- Make up famous sayings  
- Bite your pinkie

- Get your dog braces  
- Shave a shrub  
- Have a proton fight  
- Watch a car rust  
- Quiver  
- Rotate your carpet  
- Learn to type...with your toes  
- Set up your Christmas tree in April  
- Be someone special  
- Buy the Brooklyn Bridge  
- Mail it to a friend  
- Go back to square one  
- Factor your social security number  
- Take the fifth  
- Memorize a series of random numbers  
- Read the 1962 Des Moines white pages  
- Join the Foreign Legion  
- Learn Sanskrit  
- Exist...existentially, of course  
- Print counterfeit Confederate money  
- Kick a cabbage  
- Take a picture  
- Put it back  
- Sandpaper a mushroom  
- Play solitaire...for cash  
- Abuse your patio furniture  
- Run for Pope  
- Count to a million...fast  
- Make a schematic drawing...of a rock  
- Commit seppuku...with a paper knife  
- Revert  
- Think shallow thoughts  
- Starch your shoes  
- Polish your Calvin's  
- Contemplate a cockroach  
- Get a dog to chase your car  
- Let him catch it  
- Investigate the Czar  
- Form a political party  
- Climb a sidewalk  
- Have a political party  
- Get diagonal...with a good friend  
- Ride a loaf of bread  
- Sharpen a carrot  
- Interrogate a gerbil  
- Go bow hunting for Toyotas  
- Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids  
- Jump back  
- Play to lose  
- Scalp a street light  
- Have your car painted...plaid  
- Read a tomato  
- Sharpen your sleeping skills  
- Watch a game show...take notes  
- Put out a fire  
- If you can't find a fire, make one  
- Interview a cloud  
- Play tiddlywinks...go for blood  
- Play basketball...in a minefield  
- Don't talk to things  
- Draw Lewis structures on your ceiling  
- Have your cat bronzed  
- Have your gerbil gilded  
- Write books about writing books  
- Create random equations  
- Miss spell words  
- Tell your feet a joke  
- Throw a tomato into a fan  
- Sing the ABC song backwards  
- Pretend you're a dog  
- Dial-a-prayer and argue with it  
- Grease the doorknobs  
- String up a room  
- Stack furniture  
- Relive fond memories  
- Tie your shoelaces together  
- Gargle  
- Count your teeth with your tongue  
- Decay  
- Find your half-life  
- Design a better toilet seat  
- Shred a newspaper  
- Have a headache  
- Scratch  
- Sniff  
- Hatch an egg  
- Play air guitar  
- Act profound  
- Spill  
- Spell  
- Stare  
- Truncate  
- Slouch  
- Develop hearing problems  
- Put your feet behind your head  
- Tie bows in everything  
- Hold your hand  
- Watch the minute hand move  
- Grow your fingernails  
- Pretend you're a telephone  
- Ring  
- Radiate  
- Skip  
- Play hopscotch...with real scotch  
- Clock the velocity of your REMs  
- Put your shoes on the opposite feet  
- Cross your toes  
- Roll your tongue  
- Crystallize  
- Baby oil the floor  
- Hide  
- Attack innocent bunnies  
- Declare war  
- Destroy a tree  
- Hide the scrabble bag  
- Seduce your stick shift  
- Wink  
- Memorize the periodic table  
- Mummify  
- Pretend you're a roadie  
- Buy a Ginsu knife  
- Collect electrons  
- Correct typos that aren't there  
- Polish your neck...use Pledge

- Recopy the Bible substituting your name for God  
- Loosen the lug nuts on your dad's new car  
- Drop your cat off the roof to see if it lands on all four feet  
- Count the bags under Walter Mondale's eyes  
- Unscrew all the light bulbs and rearrange the furniture  
- Found the Jim Jones School of Bartending  
- Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. 'Drink milk')  
- Dress like Motley Crue...surprise your grandmother  
- Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they're wrong  
- Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail  
- Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire  
- Make a drive-in window at your local bank where there wasn't one before  
- Walk on water...but don't get caught  
- Confess to a crime...that didn't happen  
- Be in the wrong place at the right time  
- Plot the overthrow of your local School Board  
- Request covert assistance from the CIA  
- Discover the source of the Mississippi  
- Search for buried treasure...in Nebraska  
- Hot wax the bottom of your brother's dress shoes  
- Preach the philosophy of Marx...Groucho, that is  
- Drink as much prune juice as you can  
- Write a book about your previous life  
- Serve ping-pong balls...as hors d'oeuvres  
- Jump up and down...on your alarm clock  
- Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins  
- Sterilize your stereo...with Jack Daniels  
- Carve you and your girlfriend's initials...in a marshmallow  
- Drive the speed limit...in your garage  
- Sing the national anthem...during your calculus final  
- Wear a three-piece suit...in a sauna  
- Pay off the national debt...with a bad check  
- Go to a cemetery and verbally abuse dead people  
- Give yourself a hernia...for Christmas  
- Defend your neighbourhood from roving Mongol hordes  
- Recite romantic poetry...to your toaster  
- See if you really can build a nuclear device in your own basement  
- Go to McDonald's and pretend you can't speak English  
- Write to your congressmen, senators, President, etc. to tell them what a good job they're doing...On April 1st  
- Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor  
- Take apart all your major kitchen appliances...mix and match them  
- Turn your TV picture tube upside down  
- Phone in a death threat on President Kennedy  
- Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets  
- Carry a tune...drop it, see if it breaks  
- Be planar...but don't tell your parents  
- Play hockey with your little cousin...as the puck  
- Make a deal with the devil...but keep your fingers crossed  
- Put instant concrete in your big brother's waterbed  
- Give a lecture on the historical significance of cream cheese  
- Debate politics with a fern  
- See how small you can scrunch your face

- Sell firewood door to door...in Atlantis  
- Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation Organization)  
- Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation  
- Raise professional certified racing turnips  
- Give your grandmother a raise and another day of paid vacation  
- Lead an aerobics class...for patients of the I.C.U.  
- Go to a drive-in movie in a tank  
- Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway  
- Send President Reagan an alarm clock...wind it up first  
- Found a cockroach stable and stud ranch  
- Send your goldfish to obedience school  
- Free the oppressed toasters of America  
- Weave a tablecloth out of copper tubing  
- Give your cat a suntan...in the microwave  
- Park your car...with a friend  
- Park your car...with a group of friends  
- Frame your first statement of bankruptcy  
- Place it on the wall of your office  
- Solve the population problem (x2 + y2 population...solve for x)  
- Contribute to the population problem  
- Wear a T-shirt that says 'I'll walk on you to see The Who' and a peace sign  
- Practice the Aztec method of heart removal on your professor  
- Find out who made the super glue commercials and give them your Ginsu knife  
- Get Ronco and K-tel to merge...they sell the same stuff anyway  
- Sneak into a nuclear physics lab and stay the night  
- Play with anything that looks interesting  
- Drop piston engines on two people and see who squishes first  
- See if your goldfish can live in doors rather than water  
- Try to ignite water...the Mississippi might work  
- Draw Venn diagrams...screw them up  
- State fallacies as fact (like, 'peanuts grow on bushes')  
- Visit the Architecture building...loudly criticize its design  
- Make a schematic drawing...of a rock  
- Wallpaper your laundry room...with pages from books you don't like  
- See if diamonds really do cut glass...on everything in your neighbour's house  
- Tenderize your tongue...chew on it for a while  
- See how long you can stare at a fluorescent light...try green  
- Bronze your sister's turtle  
- See how long it takes for her to notice  
- See what she does when she notices  
- Bronze your sister  
- Increase your territorial holdings by force  
- Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat  
- Boldly go where no man has gone before  
- Be a threat to the American way of life  
- Do research into the cause of World War III  
- Be a threat to the North-western Tibetan way of life  
- Re-establish the Roman Empire...in Pittsburgh


End file.
